The Upside Down

It’s been a while since I have written anything. Even now I am unsure whether I will hit the publish button, or if this will just be me getting my thoughts and feelings outside of myself for a bit of catharsis. I recently re-read all the blogs I have written up to this point and it was fun to recall the experiences and events that have happened. I also realized that I often referred to things happening in the world at the time I was writing, but didn’t say what they were , so it was hard to remember context for some of the things I had eluded to. I’ll try to be better about that moving forward.

This blog has been percolating somewhere deep within me for a couple months now. This isn’t a political blog, but I’m not sure how I can omit what’s happening in the world right now as it seems to be affecting everything else. It is March 17, 2025 and Trump became the 47th president of the US in January. I despised him before he was elected, because his actions and rhetoric represent a version of humanity that I do not agree with, value or respect. He has not positively impacted my opinion since returning to office. It has been difficult watching all of the changes happening in the US from abroad and also watching the impact it is having on things I care about and people I love. I am not saying the US was not in need of change; I agree with most people that it did. Where I disagree is how they are going about making changes and in what direction they are aligned. Instead of spending time talking about what I don’t want to see in the world, I want to back up and share more about my own values and views on humanity and what I do want to see.

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When I was around 24 or 25 years old, my life sort of fell apart. Several big areas of life– family, career, education–had some big upheavals occur. There was death, divorce, major changes and loss. Life was no longer working for me and I realized I needed to make some major changes if I wanted a better experience. I was at the age where identity was a big question. I had spent my whole life learning and absorbing the cultural norms I had been taught about who I am and who I should be. I had never stopped to ask myself who I wanted to be and I had no idea how or where to figure out the answer to such a big question. I was struggling with substance use to mask my anxiety and deeper emotional pain and at my lowest time, I was having suicidal thoughts. Luckily, I decided to ask for help before things spiraled too far out of control.

I dove head first into personal growth and development, including therapy. I love to read, so inhaled all kinds of books that appealed to me at the time and did some major healing work around things that had happened in my family, my past, in my relationships and most importantly I started to form a positive relationship with myself. Something that up until that time I didn’t have. I started questioning my beliefs, discerning my values and building a world view that felt true and authentic to me, rather than simply believing what I had been told from the culture at large. Science was a big part of this, as I was trying to find my truth and wanted to build it on a foundation grounded in reality and facts, as well as personal experience. My life changed so positively and completely that I began the path to becoming a psychologist so I could help others learn the skills and tools I had been taught.

I actually have an autobiography written, as I tend to do most things in life non-traditionally. I keep telling myself that if I ever manage to create something in this life where people would want to hear my story, I would love to write a book and explain more about the journey I took. Who knows, maybe one day. The following are my own personal beliefs as I hold them now. As I learn and grow, things will shift. I arrived at them through an accumulation of education and experience. There is also a lot I still do not know and I do not claim to be an expert in everything. The following is simply my personal views.

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As I did my own healing and personal work, and joined others also doing the same, I learned things about healing. Especially as it relates to trauma (big T and little t) and adversity (think ACES and intergenerational/historical trauma). I learned that when we are emotionally wounded, have negative core beliefs, have been deeply hurt, or are scared and operating from a place of fear, hate, anger, scarcity or deep emotional pain, that is when humans tend to do our worst behaviors.

When people have healed some of those wounds, restored the relationship with themselves and others, and are able to live from a place of love most of the time (which for many includes connecting with something greater than oneself), that is when I believe we are at our most evolved representation of humanity. Hurt people hurt people as the famous saying goes. I deeply believe that when humans are emotionally, and spiritually healthy they do not need to be superior to others, to try to dominate, control and to work in ways that benefit the few, not the many. I believe that empathy, collaboration, integrity, respect, authenticity, love, appropriate boundaries, honesty and transparency are some of the values you see in humans who have evolved enough to have emotional intelligence and are spiritually and emotionally well. And I should caveat that I mean when our spirits are healthy and aligned in love- not necessarily having to do with religion (if that is what keeps your heart open, great, but I do not believe it is the only way).

I also know that humans are composed of both dark and light pieces (and everything in between). I don’t think there are “good” people or “bad” people. We have a mix of it all and this blog is not long enough for me to talk about how humans develop and why some people can do such horrendous things. I think everyone at their core started good (unless they have an injury or developmental issue that caused them not to have empathy or follow a standard developmental pathway from birth that makes them an exception to traditional development), but that “good” could have been covered up by emotional wounds, events and experiences that cause their actions to be firmly based in fear/anger/shame/hate/apathy/numbness, etc. and result in harm to others and/or themselves. We (society as a whole or people) create “monsters” most of the time.

They likely won’t change or see things differently unless they see the need to understand how they got to where they are, make changes, and address the underlying reasons that keep them out of alignment with the highest version of themselves in the first place. I work in a prison. I see this every day. I also help people do this very process. There is often a need to unlearn old ways and relearn new ones. Most of us though, do a mix of both. We do really beautiful things and we inevitably end up causing harm sometimes- especially when we are afraid.

While I know history has been filled with experiences of humans who seek domination, greed, power-over, etc., I think (hope) as we evolve, we start to learn that we don’t have to be that way. We can choose differently. There are past cultures that already knew this and still do.

We can create a better world, because we are evolving to have emotional intelligence and learn skills and tools to manage our feelings, needs, and conflict in ways that don’t harm ourselves or others. To me, it’s all about values though. What I see in the US and in other parts of the world is that humanity seems to be divided about what we think our values as humans should be and the paths are not the same. Should our values be about what is best for humanity as a whole, for all living creatures, the environment, equity, so we all win? Or should our values be about money/greed, supremacy, control, domination, top-down hierarchy, winners and losers? I think we are seeing struggle on a global level about who humanity is and what world we want to create.

I am not confused about the world I want to see. I am sad to see how many don’t share my views. I think a lot of it is because many don’t understand human development- they don’t ask how or why that person acts as they do. They just see the surface behavior or appearance and make judgements. It’s worse when people then create their own narratives about what they are seeing and this is how we get “us” and “them” or “good” and “bad.” These are concrete categories that don’t account for the complexity of humans and are missing the whole picture. Stereotypes are dangerous and rarely, if ever, portray an accurate and valid view of whatever presentation they are trying to describe. They also may not know how much capacity we have to change and to learn new and better ways of being. It takes a lot of effort to make those changes though- the easier path is habit.

I am grateful and standing alongside the ones who do hold similar values. I don’t know what happens next in our world. I know the only real power I have is how I choose to show up. That involves continuing to speak my truth, to believe in facts, science, kindness, collaboration, equity and to try and show up with love in the face of fear. To speak my truth from a place of love and not step into abusive/unproductive anger and hate myself. I fail at this often, but my goal is to make it a continual practice where I am striving to have my words and actions align with my values as much as possible. My favorite part of the training I lead is to help people remember that love/empathy doesn’t mean no boundaries or consequences for actions that cause harm. We can have empathy and boundaries at the same time. It’s how we learn and grow.

Tara Brach recently recorded a podcast that I really enjoyed about how to be a spiritual warrior. I really enjoyed listening to it so thought I would share the link here. She typically comes from a Buddhist perspective.

I agree with what Tara is saying. I don’t believe hate is the way out of this. I can’t turn into the very thing I am upset about. I believe finding the humanity underneath the fear, and seeking to find the commonality and love as much as we can while standing in our values-based truth grounded in love, empathy and what is best for people and our planet, is the path forward. It’s being assertive- not passive or aggressive. I believe the path forward is not polarization and extremes, but balance and with agreed upon values that prioritize humans over money and supremacy. It’s also not allowing things that cause harm to others and increase fear, hate, discrimination, supremacy and violence.

My values and view of life that I hold so dear are being challenged by those who hold a different set of values and priorities. I also get worried about all the misinformation, propaganda and reality blurring that is happening. I feel like I just entered Stranger Things, and am walking in the upside down. Or maybe much of what we are seeing was already there, but has gotten much louder and been given a bit of power. I know part of the misinformation and propaganda is purposeful strategy. It’s scary and uncertain regardless.

What I hope is that we don’t get lost in the confusion and continue to come back to our values. What are yours? Are your actions in alignment with them? If so, I think that is probably the most important work we can do. In my experience, the path appears when you start there. Actions follow. Seeking community and finding time to re-align with our centers will also be likely components of not becoming overwhelmed and shutting down.

I am sorry this wasn’t the same personal updates as it often is, but maybe I will resume that next time. For now, I just wanted to speak my truth.

Until next time and with a lot of love.