I found out shortly after writing the last blog, that we were in fact pregnant. I have never been known for my ability to have patience, so I tested the night before the blood test confirmed it and cried when I saw the positive result. Due to the last miscarriage, I also knew I needed to wait and see. Such a balance to remain hopeful but stay realistic sometimes.
I can safely say we have made it through the first trimester and our 12-week ultrasound looked great. I started to show fairly early and can’t imagine what I will look like in the third trimester!
With each embryo transfer, we have come up with a silly name we called the embryo. Friends often help us come up with these names. The first one was Cletus the Fetus. Then I think there may have been Ketchup and Bacon. There is no real rhyme or reason to what the name will be, but this embryo was called Peppa (short for pepperoni and courtesy of my best friends). Below is little Peppa at 12 weeks. And no, we will not actually name the child Peppa (although it is kind of cute).
Luckily, things have gone smoothly so far. My mom told me when she was pregnant that she had a really easy pregnancy, with no morning sickness or real difficulty. I had hoped genetics might play a role and I would also be so lucky. So far, I have been and I feel very grateful about it. I even managed a 30 day yoga challenge during my first trimester that was a lovely blend of power and yin yoga with breathing exercises mixed in.
I think my biggest concern is knowing I will be 45 years old at delivery. Many people my age are grandparents already and I am just starting! Obviously, I knew and accepted this when we made the choice to keep trying, but it feels surreal knowing that the second half of my life is about to undertake a significant new beginning. I am hoping I have the energy to keep up with it all, although I have a feeling I will.
Of course I already have a long queue of books to read on parenting and child development. Brené Brown has a list of her favorite books with several on parenting/discipline I am excited to read. Education has always helped me manage things I get anxious about. There are also tons of social media groups with moms my age and so much information right at my finger tips. I’m actually hoping the kid will help me stay current on technology since I don’t come by it naturally, haha.
We already have our Antenatal classes reserved, have maternity and newborn pictures arranged and will take a small babymoon in May to Australia to visit our egg donors and have a wee retreat before life gets busy! Only six months until the baby is born and I have a feeling it will go quickly (due date is October 12th).
My plan is to take a full year off. In New Zealand, you get six months paid parental leave and can take an additional 6 months unpaid where they will hold your job. Since I am a psychologist, I am allowed to do private practice during the unpaid leave part, which will allow me to have some income while also keeping a part time and flexible schedule. I plan to take a month off before my due date as well, so in September, life is about to pause in a big way.
Now that we have passed the first trimester, it is starting to sink in that this is real and might actually happen. We are waiting to find out the gender (at 20 weeks) before decorating the nursery too much, but I have already started collecting little things. Below is one of the pictures I got.
We moved to our new house and are settling nicely. The timing was perfect and we are really happy where we landed. It’s always hindsight when I am reminded that sometimes when things don’t work out as planned, even better things might be in store in the future. I think we landed right where we were meant to be.
As for my new role, it is going well so far. It is a big learning curve as most of the skills I use are not ones I have honed from years of clinical practice, but it is also nice to exercise and grow a different set of tools. Working remotely while pregnant has also been a blessing; mainly for the comfy pants and close access to the refrigerator :).
I find myself tearing up a lot as I reflect over the past years and prepare for our little one (I tear up when I am feeling particularly happy or grateful). I wasn’t sure this path would develop and am keenly aware of the fragility of it. I also know there isn’t anything I would rather be embarking on and consider it a great privilege to be able to usher a new person into world and be a part of their life. I already feel honored to step into this space. I also have deep respect for others whose paths may look different, who may not be called to have children, or who help mentor in different ways whether by choice or not.
Thank you for sharing the journey with me. The amount of support and love we have received from others has been invaluable. I cannot wait to enjoy the ride and see what the future brings.
Until next time.
The Journey So Far 